Big decisions were made today. Tiff and i have been what you may call on the rocks. Surly her and i have dated for quite some time, had our ups and downs. Problems that normal relationships face, and some problems that nprmal relationships should not face. Cheating on my part was perhaps a large scale blow to the relationship. Many problems i think i could trace back to that. But i decided that time would be a good thing, thats all, not other people or anything of that nature. Simply time. To think , relax and get my shit back in order, wipe the slate clean.
Though it is hard to let go of something so special, but if it is for the benefit of the both of us then it only seems logical. One thing that must be understod is that it is for the hope of things working out for the better. Its hard to date someone who isnt happy with you or themselves. Beacuse no matter how happy you are with that person it isnt much fun if they arent happy. Its almost like something was eating at tm. Perhaps it was our rocky past of drama and things that we have done to eachother. Which brings me back to why time may clear the slate, perhaps not, one thing that needs to happen is that things must be forgiven and forgotten. Live life one day at a time and enjoy things. This isnt whats been happening. The only one i blame for shit is myself, things have happenend and cant be easily fixed.
School is starting and im sure that it will occupy a few hours of my time. Working out and getting in shape will be fun.
However i will miss 99% of the times with tm, the good old day to day things, the things that you take for granted. Like lunches, hangin out, movies, just doing nothing at all. An emptyness has sort of set over me and tears flood the eyes just thinking about it. Its hard to tell the one thing in life that matters most that you cant help but take some time apart. I fear the future without her, yet look forward to the future if all works out as planned.
Life has been turned upside down the last few months. Havent had a good day that i can rember in a while. I start to think that i have made a mistake and that things can be worked out without a break. I need her the most during times like these, the crazy times in this house. I feel like shit all the time and dont know why, yet no one knows, beacuse i fail to say anything and hide it so well. yet almost every hour of the day i smile and pretend all is well yet it hasnt been in so long.